It looked like a mini-wedding in our house that day. The entire place was decked up with beautiful flowers. The lovely fragrance floating in the air filled up every nook and corner of the house right from the main gate to the entrance and the interiors (except the nursery). Our parents from both sides of the family and the staff were waiting eagerly to give us the grandest welcome. It was such a beautiful surprise planned by my husband. Our darling “Dheva” had arrived in this world and into our hearts. He was now also in his home for the first time. There was something quite wonderfully overwhelming about bringing the baby home. All the care taken by my loved ones really made it even more special. They say it takes a village to bring up a child and it’s true in every sense of the word. I was glad that I had my clan around me extending their warm support and I was going to make every effort for my son to make strong connections with each one of them.
The first couple of days with a new baby can be a bit nerve-wracking. They are such tiny and fragile creatures. Being a mother for the first time was such an unfamiliar experience for me. I can’t thank God enough for having my mother around me during this crucial phase. Nothing helps like experience does and that too when it’s coming from your own Mom. She supported me in every way possible by caring for the baby and for me as well. During the day she would help look after the baby and even sleep with me at night. While she was not doing all of this, she would give me the confidence to handle it all on my own.
I really trusted my Mom and the ancient wisdom she brought with her. She cared for me in the same way that she was by her mother and my grandmother by her mother. So while I would ask her why I needed to take the hand-rolled herbal balls, I didn’t doubt that she was doing the right thing for me. I loved that she had all the answers for me anyways. The medicinal balls with 21 different herbs she gave me were supposed to be taken from the 9th to the 21st day after birth to strengthen the gut, intestines, and vital organs that go through a certain level of stress during pregnancy. She also made another concoction that was traditionally used to improve digestion and induce better lactation.
It was a pounded mix made with lots of garlic, cumin seeds, pepper, dry red chilies, tamarind, and salt. It was to be eaten with warm rice and ghee and it sure made my meal time drool-worthy. It’s also quite a surreal feeling knowing that my great-grandmother and grandmother would have followed the same practices back in the day. It may be hard to fully explain the scientific rationale behind these practices, but I trusted them fully. After all, no mother would give her child anything remotely harmful. In a few days time, my Mom was ready to leave and I was all set to take charge on my own. I was a bit nervous but excited too. I knew the fear would be momentary and in no time the natural instinct to care for the child would guide me through.
I was a very hands-on Mom right from the start. I wanted to take on the responsibility of balancing all aspects of my life. While I did have household help for many things, anything to do with touching the baby was done by me. My favorite was the daily bathing routine that started with a gentle oil massage and was followed up with a nice warm bath. I used only natural ingredients for the first six months, virgin oils for massage, and a very gentle homemade baby bath powder to clean. I remember singing away as I watched my little one thoroughly enjoy all the pampering. After a clean and relaxing bath, I would draw a small black dot on the sole of his foot to ward off the evil eye. Most Indian families are quite familiar with this practice.
It’s not news to anyone that caring for a new baby means very little sleep. In our case, I was very clear from the beginning that at least one of us needs to be well-rested to stay sane during the day. And so I would sleep with the baby in the nursery and my husband could rest well at night to have the energy to help out during the day. Such practical changes in our daily routines really helped. Though the hormones still got the better of me at times. I still burst out laughing when I think of how I wept one day at lunchtime just because there was no sambar left for me. At that moment, I felt like the most neglected person on earth. Fortunately enough I was quick to catch such silly reactions early on and have a good laugh about them. I strongly believe that meditation was something that really helped me have the increased self-awareness to understand myself better.One of the other things I had been warned about was also all the unwanted advice that you get once you have a baby. I sure did get a lot of advice and can see how it can get frustrating for a new mother. But strangely none of it seemed to bother me. I found myself taking the advice that made sense. If something didn’t click at first, I would give it some thought and dismiss it if I didn’t want to take it in. It helps I suppose if we assume by default that everyone who gives advice does so with the right intentions irrespective of whether it makes sense to us or not. In fact becoming a parent had really changed my perspective and relationships overnight. Often times we grow up carrying a few complaints about how we were brought up or things our elders say to us.
We don’t really have the eyes to see what they did well to make sure we got to where we are today. It’s only when we sense parenthood ourselves do we realize the true value of everything our elders did for us. There’s no right or wrong formula and we are all learning as we go. The right intentions matter the most.
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